Unicorns, Students, and Love

Every few months, a good friend of ours asks my wife, her husband, and me to come speak to her university class of future therapists about our polyamorous V. We have done it four or five times now and it is always a lot of fun and everyone seems to enjoy the discussion and the stories.

But why? Why do we get invited? What makes us unique? Are happy, healthy, and functioning poly relationships so rare that we could be considered a “unicorn”?

A recent #sextalktuesday on Twitter took on the concept of unicorns, which was roughly defined by the end of the discussion as, “a person of any gender who is interested in having sex with a pre-existing couple.” When the discussion first started, I opined that a cis-male couldn’t be a unicorn because horny men are a dime a dozen, and therefore the rarity aspect of a unicorn isn’t there.

However, as the discussion continued and more people shared their experiences, my views shifted almost 180 degrees. It appears, for a number of reasons not the least of which is the general disapproval of bisexual men in the swinger community, that there are FAR more women available for threesomes than men. Huh. Colour me surprised.

So, with this discussion and idea fresh in my mind, it set me wondering about fully functional, healthy, and supportive polyamorous relationships. Are we something special? What do we do that others don’t?

I think that our key to success is constant and open communication, and I think that our semi-regular panel sessions actually add to this communication in a very meaningful way. It seems that we always learn more about each other, or work through some tiny bit of drama at these sessions, for all the class to see. Maybe that’s why they keep asking us back…because we are so real. We don’t have pre-prepared notes or answers to pre-written questions. We go off on tangents, tell sometimes inappropriate stories, and get stumped sometimes when we are asked a question we haven’t heard before.

This session, we were asked a question which actually got me a bit choked up and I had to process. “If died, would you and still maintain a relationship?” Whoa, heavy shit. Not only did we have to think about the nature of his and my relationship and articulate something intelligent, but do it while having to confront the reality that at some point, one of us won’t be part of the V anymore. I held back my tears and probably made a bad joke to get out of the dark mindspace and hopefully answered the question, but the feeling lingered for the rest of the day, and still does on the fringes of my mind. Far too much moonshine helped me mellow Saturday night but that, Dear Readers, is a tale for another day.

So, maybe we are unicorns, rare and magical. I know we are magical but I really hope we aren’t rare.

Love is too wonderful to be rare.

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